When Changes Aren't Noticeable

Several months have gone by. Lor and I still see each other, though we are no longer officially dating. Whatever that means. Personally, I find it easier to let things remain the same than to cut her out of my life entirely and start dating others. The idea of dating is just not appealing. Lor is still good to me, for the most part. I don't trust her completely, and I don't think of a future for us, but we're comfortable together. My mind set reminds me of something an uncle once told me about a woman he was seeing. He described her as a "pleasant lady." I hoped at the time that such a thing would never be the best I could say about any woman I dated. Yet here I am saying pretty much that.

Moving on also seems unappealing because it doesn't involve Dee. A month or two ago, Dee admitted that she loves me "as a friend." It was the best thing I've heard all year, and something I've been hoping to hear for much longer. But it was only a sentimental moment; she's still dating someone and has no intention of being with me. Even if she did want to be with me, I have no idea how I would react. Part of me thinks there's no way I would pass up the opportunity to be in a relationship with her. Another part worries that it would just ruin whatever friendship we've built up.

It's neither here nor there, though; nothing of the sort will happen.

She has invited me to visit her at Christmastime, though. The thoughts racing through my mind in response are: How could I swing this secret visit? Would I have to meet her boyfriend? And how can I resist? I smile to think of meeting her in person for the first time. I smile to think that she invited me at all.

If Lor and I continue to see each other, I may tell her that I'm in touch with Dee. I would rather not lose Dee's friendship again, even though it seems inevitable (I don't see how we can last when both of us believe that being friends, especially such good friends, would eventually interfere with our relationships. Plus, it's inconsistent with what we want -- to be best friends with the person we're with). The alternative is to keep Dee a secret indefinitely, and I don't want that. Do I?