Broken Up

She said yes. Yes, it's over. As long as I'm unwilling to change my controlling and jealous ways, it's over.

That was a week ago, and it was an even worse fight than the one before it. My voice was raw for days. As was my soul.

She said that she's been miserable with me. All this time, I knew that she didn't like the situation and I knew that I made it worse. But I didn't know I made her miserable. That's what I do to the women I date.

She also said that she's been too embarrassed to talk about our relationship with others. With her friends or family. Embarrassed because of my rules and my jealousy and my controlling nature. I make it too uncomfortable for her to talk; to live; to be happy.

Why would I ever agree to change? I refused when she asked me to! Not only is a promise on that front hard to make stick, but I can't imagine continuing on any more in our relationship -- it would only make her miserable and embarrass her. I want her to be happy, and that's not going to happen with me.

We've talked a couple of times since she broke up with me. She keeps hoping I'll change my mind and agree to change. Agree to compromise. I think about it, because it hurts to think of the alternative. But I always refuse. Even if I were able to change my ways, I still think I'd manage to make her miserable. And this long distance thing isn't making matters any easier. The only solution for that is to get married. Funny thing is, up until recently she would have agreed to marry me. Despite being miserable.

The best thing for both of us is probably to let this break up stick.